One thought that keeps on coming back into my head from time to time, is whether or not my current job will fulfill me, when I finish university and start working there fulltime. Currently, I’m working there part-time as a working student and I’m only there for two days a week. I’m not sure how this will pan out when I have to work there for 8 hours every day five days a week. I cannot really imagine anything fulfilling me so much that I’d be willing to sink 40 hours or more into it every week. Maybe I’m going to work there part-time going forward; maybe I’m going to search for another job; maybe I have to completely change my perspective and search for another way to make a living, one where I feel fulfilled instead of wasting away my life; or maybe this job will be the right one for me. I don’t know, but I guess I’ll find that out next year, when I finish university.

Something else I realized in the past couple days is that I dont have any time to rest. Normally, you could rest after work or on weekends and do whatever you want to do, but after work, holidays and weekends are times when I have to do something for university. And the longer I procrastinate, the more I feel dreadful doing anything on any day of the week. I still meet friends and I still do the things that I love, but instead of enjoying the moment I have this nagging voice in the back of my head constantly trying to guilt me into feeling bad for not doing something for university right now.

I think that I wouldn’t have this problem, if I’d not slack behind so much with university work, but it’s kinda late for this to change, as I only have two semesters left. I think the main problem here is the fact that I don’t have fixed times for university stuff. With work you have a fixed time period each day that you spend working, whereas university stuff is just a bunch of tasks with a given deadline at some point down the line and I am very bad at managing my time, when given so much freedom.

I’d just like to enjoy my time off and do something for once without the feeling of guilt creeping in. I guess I should set myself fixed times for working on university stuff just like I do with working. Maybe that’ll make my last two semesters somewhat enjoyable.

Ash